So Much Love

 

Our little Valentine’s celebration.  I don’t think this picture is blurry as much as it is marred by Josie’s smudgy hands playing on the camera.  Either way, it’s the best one I got.  My sister and I have talked a couple of times of the one Valentine’s Day that my mom made all of our beds, cut out a big heart from construction paper, wrote a note, and then taped a candy bar to it, and had it sitting on our pillow when we got home from school.  It obviously left an impression, because it’s what she does for her own kids now, and because I am a lesser mom and feel like I have a lot more weaknesses to make up for on the parenting front; I take it a step further and buy my kids gifts.  Nothing says I’m failing you as a mother quite like a new NERF basketball hoop.   That’s not exactly why I get them gifts—not that it isn’t true that in some ways my kids definitely drew the short straw, but the real reason is because we do things for our kids in the name of celebration on many random occasions, but it makes a lot more sense to me to give them a present on a day that represents love than it does to give them a basket of candy on the day Jesus was resurrected.  I do it, but I don’t get it.

I do love them.  Isaac made me a heart out of clay in art, with all manner of colors and glitter.  Will made me a picture with hearts in a really neat pattern.  I didn’t realize this was a gift for me, and spent a chunk of one evening coloring it with him, so he could have it ready for school the next day.  When he gave it to me he said, “Ha!  I bet you didn’t know you were coloring your own present!  At least now it looks better than if I would have done it by myself!”  Funny.

I’d say that I have a lot to love.

Which brings me to this guy…

He’s pretty much the best.  I’ve known Josh for 10 years now, and been married to him all but 6 months of that time, and the longer I’m with him, the more I know that he is the best.  In 10 years time I’d say that Josh and I have tackled a lot.  I know that a lesser guy would have sunk, big time, but Josh has not only endured, he has gotten better with each year.  I think that means he’s doing it right.  Josh is the perfect companion for me.  I’m proud of how well we work together.  I know that there is nobody that I’d rather be with.  I’m so thankful that I have a husband that talks to me.  Really talks to me.  About everything.  With all that he has on his plate, and with as tired as he is, if I really want to dive into any topic he’ll make himself emotionally and mentally available for that conversation.   In every way, we are each other’s equal, although we each have very different responsibilities.  I’m yet to meet anyone who loves and enjoys their kids like he does.  I’m envious of the way he can get in there and make any situation fun.   We’ve had neighbor kids knock on our door, ask if Will can play, and then say, “Do you think his dad can come out too?”  He’s just that fun.

To prove my point, this is what he is doing, right now, as I type.  He’s simply the best, and I love him.

A Winter Walk

For about a week now it has looked at little more like what Wisconsin should look like in the winter time.  We actually had some snow last week.  Not much, but enough that when I got the kids decked out in ALL their snow gear it was too deep for the them to walk through without tipping over with each step.  Our plan was to build a snowman, but with the unsteady footing we decided to go for a walk.  When you work that long and hard on something—getting three toddlers dressed in full snow apparel is not a job for a quitter—you make lemonade with lemons.  A walk we could manage.   The third amigo is our new friend we babysit a couple days a week. 

What do you think, body double for the Michelin man?  I love that little chubby!

I miss the outside.  It took us about 20 minutes to get ready for the walk, and the walk itself couldn’t have been a minute longer than that before we had returned and shed the layers, but it was still worth it!  I hear the parks beckoning us home!

 

Separate news, I made it through another Sunday without Josh.  I surprised even myself by having us sitting in the chapel, ready for Sacrament Meeting, a few minutes before it actually began!  I’m not sure why I can manage to get the boys to school by 8:30 but find it an amazing feat to get all of us to church by the same time, but I’m finding my groove.  The primary kids sang two songs in Sacrament Meeting today.  “Jesus Said Love Everyone” and “I’m Trying to Be Like Jesus”.  I taught them sign language to the latter, which we have been practicing for a couple of months now.  They did such a great job.  I was a little nervous when one little boy positioned himself right in front of the microphone.  He has a history of really singing out!  He kept it contained until nearly the chorus, and bit by bit his volume creeped up.  He did it with a huge smile, it was well received by the parents, but it did completely panic the two people to either side of him, one of which was Will.  They’ve been there for past songs when his singing hovered right on the edge of shouting and then others where you’d think he was the lead in a metal band as “Choose the Right” is forcefully commanded by him—nobody can project quite like this one .   A couple of very nice people offered to help with Josie and Jameson while I led the kids to which I had to respond, “Oh no, they’ll scream their heads off.  This will be better.”  They each turned away bewildered and probably thinking I’m just over protective of my kids, but the truth is, they would have screamed their heads off, so for 3 minutes I could manage with them.  Surprisingly, since Jameson has been old enough to go to nursery, he goes!  Very little carrying on about it, and they haven’t had to bring him to me.  He seems to be one of the few 18 month olds who realizes that being locked in a room with other little kids and tons of toys isn’t so bad after all!  That is a blessing. 

Friday, Donut Day!

We’ve started a new, terribly unhealthy, tradition around here.  “Friday, Donut Day!”  The Pick ‘n Save just south of us makes some pretty incredible donuts.  It’s important to note that it’s not the Pick ‘n Save just north of us, whoever is in charge of running the fryer at that particular location must get caught day dreaming, because they are almost always overcooked.  BUT, just south of us, they do it up right. So the health conscious mom that I am, we go nearly every Friday and get a dozen.  I’ll usually throw some apple slices in there to balance the health scales, and then when they are having their second donut for lunch I’ll offer them some carrot sticks too.  That mom of the year award was not wasted on me!

Perhaps, we’d do it less often but the critics love it.  See for yourself.

Delighted!  Only 4 more days until Donut Friday!

In separate news, the mom of the year committee obviously didn’t hear what little turds my kids have been lately when they honored me, because had they known that Isaac has been rotten, like old leftovers in the back of my fridge, in primary lately, and that Will has begun thinking paying attention and listening in school are now optional, I may not have got it.  Squeaked one past ‘em!  What can I say? 

Motherhood is hard.  Sometimes, I think it’s too hard. 

Sometimes I catch myself looking at other moms with their kids and wondering what they are doing that I’m not to have their kids so well behaved, or so accurate in achieving their developmental milestones, but then I remind myself that chances are that same mom I’m looking at goes to bed at night thinking that motherhood is hard, almost too hard.  ALL kids come with their unique challenges, and unfortunately for the kids, they were sent to parents who also have their unique challenges, thus equaling a challenging situation.  This is the way it was designed-  part of the great Plan of Happiness, so if I understand it correctly, as long as I don’t quit working through the challenges, what awaits me is ultra cool.  

The bonus to this is that all kids come with their own unique things that make them amazing.  Will’s depth of thought and curiosity of ALL things is unlike any other 8 year old I know.  It is, however, very much like a 32 year old I know .  Isaac’s quick wit and dry sense of humor reminds me of my own siblings and the happiness of home.  Josie’s fun personality, her sideward glances, and pretty much anything she does are the cutest things in the world!  Lately, she likes to mimic family home evening.  She’ll stand in front of me with a book opened and sing at the top of her little horse voice the “opening song” usually “Jingle Bells”, and then forcefully, demand that I fold my arms for prayer.  She’ll repeat this sequence about ten times before she tires of it.  And finally, Jameson’s sweet, unassuming disposition and his love of a good snuggle are a respite for his parent’s bone-tired souls.  Jameson has not been the best sleeper, and Josh comments on how he feels bad that I still have nights (not many, but some) where I have to get up with him, but it doesn’t really bother me.  There is something about Jameson that feels almost healing in a way.  I feel like he was sent to us at this time for this purpose.  Fingers crossed, his dad and I actually achieve all that we are killing ourselves for, so he can start being a kid for a change.  It must be exhausting to be him .  

So, as I navigate those moments of pure stupid, and believe me we have them, my life if better, and richer, and happier because of them.  Motherhood is awesome!

Got To Start Somewhere…

When I wait too long in between posts, it cripples me when it comes to ever posting again.  I hate the thought of not writing the things I should have, and then having to go back and try to remember them all.  I never can remember them all, so I guess I’ll start here.

We are going on year two of very strange Milwaukee winters.  Last year was so mild and warm, and hardly any snow.  This year has been more of the same, although it was only 5 degrees when I dropped the boys off this morning.  Anyhow, one day, a long time ago, we got a little snow.  When Josie saw what had happened to our grass she knew just what to do!

She went to the pantry got out a broom and set out to clean up that mess!  She is such s little mama sometimes. 

 

**In other happenings around here…

I don’t even know what has been happening.  Each day is a blur.  We just keep waking up and keep doing what needs to be done.  Over the Christmas break Josh wanted to give me a day for myself, because he knew that quite literally, for the next 9 months or so, that would be absolutely impossible for him to offer.  So, I took him up on it.  It started out great with lunch out with a friend, but then after lunch I didn’t know what to do!  Strangely, I had a doctor’s appointment that afternoon, and found myself just trying to “pass the time” until I got to go to the doctor.  Being a mom of young kids has really done a number on my ability to stand independent of them all.  After the doctor, I was ready to wrap up “me” day and head home, but Josh convinced me that would be a terrible waste of a thoughtful gesture on his part, and suggested I head to Chicago to go to the temple.  So I did.  It was wonderful to be there.  Earlier that day I’d felt so strange being separate from my family and responsibilities there, but when I went to the temple, the identity crisis that I had experienced earlier went away.  When I am at the temple, I am first and foremost a daughter, and I was returning “home” so my Father could care for me for a time.  It was peaceful.  It was rejuvenating.  Spa days are nice, but the relaxation that comes from a massage is fleeting.  The realigning and peace that takes place in the temple has the potential to change my heart.  I left there with an extra spring in my step.  Why don’t I go more often?

Our lives are full.  I try not to make them so full that I miss opportunities for growth and teaching of both myself and my kids.  I think that happens.  I try not to say “no” to anyone if I don’t have to.  I try not to shy away from things just because it would be “too hard” to do given our situation.    As I was driving home from the temple I was reminiscing on our earlier years here in Wisconsin, and of the many temple trips Josh and I made with our two young boys.  It was an all day event that required extensive planning on my part, but looking back was so worth it!  Sometimes, life gets so full that I feel like we kind of stop living.  Josh is in a position right now where he really does have to put life on hold so that he can ensure a life for us in the future.  I’m ok with that.  Elder Nelson gave us the ok on that, so we are at peace moving forward with temporarily excusing our very busy daddy from much of life, but there is no reason why I have to stop the ride for the rest of us. 

My one goal for 2013 is that I do better at making each day separate from the one before and the one that will follow, in some small way, otherwise, where are the memories for my kids?  If I don’t, it will be one big blur of getting up and doing what needs to be done.  Ech.  That’s not good enough.  Wish me luck!

Just Like Magic

 

What awaited our kids Christmas morning.  There are some moments in parenting that I find myself wishing away.  Celebrating Christmas is one that I do not take for granted.  These precious years where everything is magical for them are the best!

The boys were given strict instructions to stay in their beds until 7:00am.  At 6:59 I heard them excitedly ooh-ing and ah-ing over what they found as they burst through the door to the living room.  I nudged Josh, we got Josie and headed down.  Jameson was still sleeping, and we didn’t see the sense in waking him up for it.  We just saved his presents and had a second mini Christmas morning when he finally woke up. 

Some of the fun memories from that morning…

We can’t wait until next Christmas!

Will’s Christm…er…Holiday Concert

Will’s 3rd grade class had their holiday concert.  It definitely was not a Christmas concert.  There were no signs of the baby Jesus anywhere in that one!  Last Thursday, I loaded up JJ and Jo, and we headed over to be filled with holiday cheer.  I brought the camera, and thank goodness I did, or else Josie wouldn’t have been able to document what an amazing program it was.

First there was this…

Then they did this….

Ooh!  I’m so glad she got one of this!

This song was just lovely…

Thanks, Jo, for being so perfectly two during this concert, so we can always have these memories

I did manage to wrestle the camera away for one quick group shot, before the shrieking started…

Fa La La La La!

So Thankful for Hugs

Today, at 3:15 I loaded my babies in the van and drove to the elementary school.  I waited anxiously, wondering if news from the day had been shared with my boys.  They usually take the bus home, but I couldn't wait the additional 30 minutes the bus takes to bring them to me.  As the children excitedly spilled onto the sidewalks, I knew the tragedy of this day had not touched them.  First I saw Isaac.  He ran to me and threw his arms around my waist. I held on tight.  Then out came Will excited to tell me what a great day he had.  I brought them both in for big squeezes, and then held on a little longer, first for their grandma and grandpa serving a mission who surely thought of their many precious grand kids sitting in classrooms back home, and then longer still for a Nana and grandpa who love them dearly and were certainly thinking of them this day.  Thank you, Heavenly Father, for the chance I had to hug my kids.  Please encompass those families who couldn't with your perfect love and mercy.